Sonic is the new Spyro

So there's been a lot of talk about the upcoming Sonic Boom direction of Sonic.  A lot of fans are freaking out over the redesign with characters covered in bandages and jacked up Knuckles.

I love Sonic. I was one who was so happy playing Sonic Colors and Sonic Generations and I was thinking "Sega finally got it right!"  I was hoping they would build on the foundation of those two games, maybe make a longer game, bring back the playable friends in a fun and fast way, but then we got Sonic Lost World, a game that I still have no idea what Sega was going for namely throwing out the 3D mechanics that worked so well in the modern Generations stages in favor of some odd parkour system and stages that seemed way to similar to Mario Galaxy.

Then Sonic Boom was announced and at first, I wasn't sure what to think. The early gameplay trailer looked interesting and perhaps handing Sonic over to another studio was what the series needed to breathe new life into it.  I didn't understand the need to redesign everyone but it's not like Sonic was the only character to ever get a redesign.  Plus the creators were planning on giving Amy a personality beyond "obsessive whiny fan girl."

The problem is after E3, it's easy to see that Sega doesn't care about Sonic being "good" again, rather they're back to their approach in the early post Dreamcast years, where they got Sonic X on the air and starting cranking out Sonic stuff as an easy way to make money off kids. After all kids are stupid and they buy anything based on a TV show they like.  Look at all the crappy SpongeBob and Dora games that sell.  Alongside the Ratchet and Clank vibe I get from gameplay trailers,  so many hands on reports have said the game is so-so with the 3DS version being slightly better in being a side scrolling, Metroidvania type game.  But it seems like Sega's more interested in showing us E3 booths and all the tie in toys than promoting the game. They claim this is just a "spinoff" and that has no bearing on the Sonic we know but I can't help but think, they're only saying that to avoid fan pandemonium and outrage.

Remember Spyro the Dragon?  He was one of the PS1 mascots created by Insomniac and had fun 3D platformers, but then Insomniac broke ties with Universal interactive and lost the rights and Spyro went downhill making several mediocre to bad games.  The series was revamped into the "Legend of Spyro" series with a new backstory and a whole bunch of big name voice actors, but this didn't improve the series outside of cheap bargain bin kids games (much like his counterpart Crash Bandicoot) and finally Activision decided instead of selling Spyro back to Insomniac or trying to make a good game, they simply redesigned and repurposed him into Skylanders.  Now sure, Skylanders made tons and tons of money, but not because of Spyro's inclusion.  He was tossed in there for brand name recognition but now he's just one of a cast of many toys and a far cry from what PS1 kids grew up with and as long as Skylanders is making Activision money, any chances of ever seeing the original Spyro are dead.

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This I worry will be Sonic's fate.  Mark my words, if Sonic Boom becomes a big hit with the TV show and toys, then Sega will run with that because that will make them money meaning those of you holding out that we'll see Sonic Adventure 3 on the PS4/Xbox One or whatever, abandon all hope because Sonic Boom will be all that we see.  Hell, I'm surprised Sega didn't try some interactive toy based tie in where you could connect Sonic Boom toys to the game.

Guys. It's OVER. We gotta stop doing this to ourselves.  It's been over a decade since the Dreamcast died.  It's like Sonic died but we couldn't accept it, so we buried him in the Pet Sematary and he keeps coming back evil, corrupt and out to harm us.  At some point, for the sake of our sanity, we have to accept this as a series like Final Fantasy or Mega Man, with it's ups and downs instead of holding on to this sad hope that some magical game is going to turn it all around.  No amount of bad games are going to take away what the original Genesis trilogy (or whatever game is your favorite) gave to us. They'll always be there.  Being a Sonic fan does not mean having to accept every crappy game that comes out.  Even Mario, Zelda and Pokémon fans aren't afraid to admit there's some rubbish in there.  It's time to cut the cord. Detach.  If you want to give Sonic Boom a go, then more power to you, but I advise you to go into this not expecting some grand rebirth.  Sega has done with Sonic what Activision has done with Spyro or Namco did with Pac Man (see Ghostly Adventures).  I'd honestly rather see Sonic disappear like Mega Man then get drug through the mud like Spyro.

How to be an Asshole in Mario Kart

So Mario Kart 8 is out and has helped Nintendo's poor WiiU sales and as with most of the previous Mario Kart games, it's still mostly based on luck rather than skill. This doesn't bother me.  If I want a skill based racing game, there's plenty of others out there.  The Mario Kart series clearly has an appeal that keeps it selling rather than be eclipsed by other strong contenders like Modnation Racers or Sonic and All Stars Racing Transformed.

But we all know the frustration of getting hit with a blue shell within spitting distance of the finish line or having a good lead only to accidentally slide off into the abyss.  Now with the advent of online play, you can help but feel like others players gang up on you or it seems the human players can be worse than the 150cc AI.

So, as someone who has played every Mario Kart game since the original on the SNES, with the exception of Super Circuit on the GBA, I have come up with a list of things a player can do to grief and troll in Mario Kart.  Now this mostly applies to the newest installment but most of these apply to previous ones as well. Enjoy, you assholes.

1) If you're in the back of the pack at the start and get a rocket start, make sure you ram the people in front of you who didn't get the rocket start.  It adds insult to injury. I mean it's bad enough they didn't nail the rocket start and they need to be reminded how bad they suck.

2) Is that person slightly ahead of you aiming for one of the question blocks?    Race up behind them, swerve in front and take their box. Even better try to get two side by side to really screw them over, then use the item you got to shoot them behind you.

3) Is someone just recovering from falling off the ledge and has just gotten back on the track?  Ram them at full speed though be careful as in some cases this gives them a bit of a boost to get them going faster, and with Mario Kart 8 if you're in anti gravity mode, this gives speed boosts.

4) Did someone just get hit with a shell and is near the edge?  Ram them at full speed and knock them off the cliff.  Star Power optional.

5)  Did you get triple red shells?  Sure, you could conserve shells and use one per opponent but you're trying to be an asshole here,  Shoot all three shells at once at one target though of course you could always just get right up beside them and let the shells hit them that way.

6) Play really well as a character everyone hates.  MK8 dropped fan favorites like Dry Bones and Diddy Kong in favor of the seven koopa kids and, even more infuriating Gold Pink Peach and a whopping FIVE babies.  Play as a baby because everyone hates the baby versions taking up roster space (though at least now we can always hope for DLC down the road).  Nothing infuriates a Mario Kart player than someone who constantly wins with a stupid baby character.

7) If you're playing at home with friends, constantly hit the horn button to annoy the hell out of them.  This is the equivalent of constantly taunting in Smash Bros.

So that's just a few things you can do while playing a Mario Kart game either on or offline. I'm sure there's many more I didn't cover, but as we learn with just about any online game, it's easy to find a way to be an asshole.

Author's Note:  I'm thinking of doing more blogs like this.  Particularly one for the next Smash Bros. when it comes out but if you have a suggestion of a "How to play like an Asshole" bit for another game, please let me know.